As many of you may know, I live in Arkansas. There are certain things that I have come to value during my time here. One of those things, is that people can smoke in restaurants. In the north, this pretty much doesn't happen anymore. People are barely aloud to smoke in bars there, much less a restaurant. Now, let me make it very clear. I am not a smoker. Also, I do not condone smoking. However, I do believe in personal freedom. I think that people should be allowed to make their own decisions. I should be able to chose, if I so wish, to light up in a restaurant. I understand the idea of family restaurant, if the owner chooses to make it non-smoking that's fine. But it should be the owners choice. Life is about choices. What prompts this discussion you may ask?
Well last night, after work, my husband and I decided to go to one of our favorite little restaurants here in town: Waffle House. There are certain things I expect when I walk into a Waffle House one of these thigns is to be greeted by the smell of grease and smoke. Last night, when I walked in I thought, "my it smells odd in here." It smelled almost clean. I though this was extreemly weird. The restaurant was very empty. Being only one of three places open after 10 this too was strange. I sat down and ordered my coffee. And then I saw the sign. Black with blazing red letters. NO SMOKING. How could this be? My Waffle House had been infiltrated. I asked my waitress with her died hair the color of wet black top, "Are you guys really no smoking?" She replied, "Yes, and between that and IHOP things are horrible." I fear for my little Waffle House. It deserves better.
My food didn't taste the same. The coffee was good, but not like what I've come to expect.

I cry freedom.

So here's the scoop.

We are most likely (90% sure) moving to New Hampshire. Jeremy will be attending The University of New Hampshire. The town is really pretty; it's about an hour by car or train from Boston. It's about 6 -7 hours from home.
Why, you may ask, are you no longer going to Philadelphia/Drexel?
Well Drexel has done a horrible job of getting any information to Jeremy. They still haven't offered him a Teaching Assistantship and we have no way of knowing if they will. UNH is not only offering him full tuition but a large stipend. There are several job openings for me around the town, so hopefully, I will find a job quickly.

We were at first dissapointed about not going to Philadelphia, but now this is looking like the better thing to do. Students and teachers from UNH have emailed Jeremy asking him to come, and I think it will just be a better fit for him.

If, Drexel offered a TA spot we would consider it but not necessarily go.
Anyway, That's what's going on.

Let it be forthwith known that I am an English Major. Above all other titles that I may hold such as graduate assistant, Teacher, education major blah blah; I am an English major. I became an English major for several reasons one of the highest on the list is my love of reading. This is not an uncommon quality of a lover of English to love reading. But here's the catch. I, honestly, only like reading that which I think is good and worthy of my time. This leaves the door open to much reading. I love to read Time I devour it each week upon its arrival. I love to read YA books they take me a happier place. I adore Faulkner and numerous other classics. I enjoy non-fiction not often, but I do. And I even like reading books that are purely didactic in nature. However, when I don’t like reading a book I feel like a 10 year old with ADHD. I throw fits, I scream and I am I’m sure utterly miserable to live with or be in near. (Prepositions at the ends of sentences are ok sometimes) I am currently reading the book the Language Police. Needless to say, I hate it. It makes me want to scream. I have thrown the book across the room at least twice. I don’t mind reading works that I disagree with; I think that reading what you disagree with is one of the best ways to learn. However, I believe in an equal presentation. The best way to win someone over is to make concessions. The author of this book with all of her degrees and prominence obviously missed the debate team somewhere along the way. My point is even the biggest lover of knowledge, books, and expression sometimes hates to do her homework, hates required reading, and hates books written by conservative jerks.

I am almost done with school. In a mere 68 days, I will graduate and be through with school if not forever, then for quite sometime. I am at this point elated about the idea. There is however, I slight hitch in my elation. I am married.

This is awful you say. You jerk. Read on; I am not a jerk.
I adore my husband. But he is very intelligent and driven. Due to this intelligence, he is not done with school. He wants to and will go on to some wonderful graduate school.

So, you say "what is the problem? How is this a bad thing?"
It's a bad thing because people in power enjoy stringing those with no power along. Case in point, graduate schools take your application which must be done in a very particular fashion, and they stuff it in some sort of file or folder or other contraption that stores things. Then they wait. They take the money that you must pay them, to even be so honored as to get them to store your application, and they use it to have pizza parties with lots of expensive wine. Then they call their friends at ETS(the people who give the GRE and numerous other tests) and say "Hey guys why don't you come over to our really cool party that the poor hard working wannabe graduate students are paying for?" ETS goes and they all have a very Bacchean good time.
In the meanwhile, all the poor hard working wannabe graduate students are pacing in front of their mail boxes crying "When will this agony end?"
The graduate schools then decide who's in and who's out. They put their responses in envelopes that should be made of gold but instead aren't even made of recycled paper and hand them over to the postal service.
The people at the postal service see this as their time to shine. So, they horde the letters up and say "Haha now we have them! We will make those students suffer more." The students not yet fully realizing what is taking place. Await, stalk, beseech, and humbly beg the mailman to bring some word from a higher learning establishment. The postoffice proceeds to keep the letters for a number of days before actually delivering them.
This process leads me to my insanity and the insanity of many that I know. (God be with those of you who wait.) No letter has come so far, neither yea nor nay they will give us. This produces much tension in my life as I am a chronic list making, budget making, planner. I do not handle the inability to plan well. I need strength to endure the days ahead.

I have a presentation that is due tomorrow night at 7pm. Robyn as well has this presentation. We, to my knowledge, have not actually started working on this presentation. The current time is 8:34 pm. This presentation is in no way difficult. I believe this is the reason that neither of us have any desire to even attempt working on it. I have about 4 slides I made 5 days ago, but that is it. This presentation is over a chapter in the book that anyone with a 5th grade education could read. Because of this I see no real reason that we should have to do a presentation over it. If this were over an issue or a concept not covered in the book I would be ok with it. But this class and classes with this teacher are historically known for their presentations. I am not paying myself or Robyn to teach the class; I am, however, paying the teacher (with my loan funded tuition money) therefore I expect this teacher to teach. Now because this homework must be done, and I do not wish to do it; I have taken to reading away messages. Which leads us to the heart of this post.

Reading away messages is in no way a new problem for me. It has been going on for many years now and there is really no way to quit. Reading away messages is what brings me to my next these thoughts. With music, especially popular music (by popular I mean anything that is current) there seems to be this sense of animalistic territorialness. I do it; I know others do as well. For example, while reading the away msgs I saw that someone had posted the lyrics of Ben Folds song. I love Ben Folds; I have been listening to him for a number of years. I felt upon reading these lyrics perturbed; I felt that this person was a phony, a fraud, a "poser," if you will. They certainly did not "love" Ben the way that I do. I felt they had no right to display these lyrics. What, I ask, brings about this terratorialness? I believe it all has to do with image. I believe that for every band/artist, there is a corresponding fan image. If a person does not meet this image the other fans that do meet the image feel the non-image meeting person has no right to display any affiliation with the band/artist.
This includes but is not limited to:

• Saying this artist is their favorite
• Posting lyrics in any sort of online profile
• Wearing buttons, clothing, stickers displaying band/artist's name
• Bumper stickers
  
• Or hearing the most popular song by the band/artist and singing along to the chorus b/c not being real fans they do not know the lyrics

When these affiliations are displayed the "real fans" or at least the fans that meet the image shake their heads and grumble. The image meeting fans feel that because of the time, effort, and money they have put into the band/artist they own them, they band/artist is theirs and theirs alone. I feel this way about Ben Folds and others. Concerts, CD's, clothing, and endless hours of music listening bring about a kinship that is irreplaceable by learning the song that comes on the radio. So do these things make a real fan. Is there such a thing as a real fan?I think the answer to both of those questions is yes. Is it ok to merely associate ones self with a band/artist and not pledge total allegiance? I think not. I know that there must be those people who are big fans of certain bands/artists but do not meet the image. What of the non-image meeting fans who have done all these "real fan" objectives? At this quandary, I shake my head. I do not know the answer. I do not know how one can be a real fan and not be transformed by the fandom and music. This must be left to someone far wiser than I. I do not know if there is a way for these non-image fans to gain the respect of the image meeting fans.

But to homework, I must go. Maybe someday I'll rock the suburbs at least and see Jesusland in a new light, until then I'll keep getting smaller while the world gets big and try to be the best imitation of myself.

I AMENDMENT of the Constitution of the United States
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.


Some people seem to be unaware of what this is, if you are, it is the First Amendment it comes from a little thing I like to call the constitution. Now, this is probably one of the most referred to amendments ever. It is important because it gives you rights. The main right I would like to address today is "Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech" This gives you and I the right to say pretty much whatever we want. We are utterly blessed to have this be part of countries make up; there are other places where people don't get to live this way. This is your right and your privilege . Because of this right, occasionally, we are going to have to hear people that don't agree with us or even people that hate us. What this amendment means is that the White Supremacist, the muslim, and the athies all have a right to speak as well. Ok, I'll accept that fact. Voltaire said, "I may not believe in what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." This is one of my favorite quotes, because I firmly believe in what it means.

Moving on, because you have this right, use it. People who make controversial comments and then don't sign their names, ultimately perturbs me more than few other things. These same people often submit things to newspapers with out their names. Do not, I repeat, Do not be anonymous. You have the right to say what you want. If you are going to have an opinion, own it; be prepared to back up what you have said. America is no place to be afraid of reactions. It is your right to say what you think.

I am, today, proud to be an American. This is not a statement I often make. I am, in no way, an ethnocentrist, a nationalist, or even all that patriotic. But I am proud to live in a country where people have freedom to say what they wish and not be persecuted by the government for it and even be protected by the government. Since you are protected use your rights and own up.

I have in past posts looked at this topic as a part of other topics, but now, today, I am looking at it for its own merit. What good is education? (And by education I am referring to the expensive, book learning that we all seem to hold so dear) Now, I am a person that loves to learn; I like to read and converse and pick up new information. I love everything from useless trivia to Kierkegaard. I want to teach, so it is obvious that I value education. In no way, is this post saying that education is useless. I firmly believe it is not, but my question is, is all this learning really worth as much as we say it is?

Supposedly, we go to college to get jobs and become "productive citizens," but will education really make me a productive citizen? I feel as though education is making me a snob. Those that educate us and everything around says, "the more you learn the more you are worth," so if I have learned more than others this should mean that I am worth more than others are, and I know, in my heart that is not true. Nevertheless, it is very difficult not to feel superior. It is difficult for me not to devalue majors that while useful to society do not necessarily invoke higher-order thinking. God is no respecter of persons; I as well should not be. However, the more I learn the more I am worth. It is not just in middle and upper socio-economic statuses where this is preached. It is at every level of our society, even at the most poverty-stricken. Most likely, one of the reasons, I have worked so hard and value education the way I do is that my parents always said, "You will go to college. You will not struggle for money. You will get a good job.” The last two statements hinge upon education. It is the golden ticket, even though it cost a bucket of gold to get it.

What of the time we spend getting education. Does getting an education equal living life or does life begin after we "finish" learning? I have currently spent the last five years working a BA and now a Masters. I am seriously considering getting an additional degree that I am sure I would enjoy working on and receiving but for what end goal: to increase my worth, to help me get a better job, what? And with each degree that you receive you wonder and now what. What do I do with this degree: do I let it suffice and be content, do I get another degree, do I work the original job that I wanted to work three degrees ago or am I now over-qualified for that job? If I have all of this education/worth am I wasting it by not working at the highest level that I am qualified for?

I am at a loss. I feel as though I may be wasting both money and more importantly time. But what if education is better than working or other things. I acquiesce to your comments and suggestions. Is education really all we make it out to be?

I am so sick of Christians thinking, if something is said by a person that is a non-Christian it can't be truth. Now, I know and you all know that I'm pretty liberal. And that's fine that's not my issue. My issue is people believing that it's ok to do whatever they want to the environment, that everyone who is slightly post-modern is a Satan worshipper, and just the plain holier than thou attitude that abounds in our flock.

I feel utterly stifled in the Bible belt. It's not matter of me not being religious enough it's a matter of being surrounded by people and these are the words of my father "Who are so Heavenly minded that they are no earthly good."

We need to wise up and stop making lists of people who are going to hell, as one done at the church where I attended on Sunday, and actually get out there and save some people. Quit wasting so much time at the church building I included and get out there and do something. And for the love of all that is pure and good reduce, reuse, and recycle.

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams” or "No day but today." Which is true? Sadly, both cannot be truth. Either you believe in the future, planning, hoping, and dreaming, or you believe that all you have is today so you should live it to the fullest. I don't know what I believe tonight. One part of me strongly believes that the first statement must be true. This part is the logical, responsible, a degree will help me succeed in life part. The other part of me that part that seems run by my heart, compassion, and a sense of duty believes that there is no time like the present.
I watched The Constant Gardner tonight. A good film I couldn't tell you how much of it was fiction and how much fact. I fear more of it was fact than I'd like to believe. But even watching this movie on mute would have caused the same effect on me. I desprately want to go to Africa; I am sure that I can do good there actually benefit people. This is from the No day but today side.
This is not to say that I can do no good here in my own country there is a chance that I may. But I fear that I will become "the man." One of my deepest fears is that I will go to church every Sunday quite content with my self, that I will work my job and spend my money on things. I will be a good middle class American. I don't want that; I don't want that at all. But what else is there to do? I don't know how to stay here and avoid that trap. I don't know of an example to show me otherwise. Some days I really like the idea of moving to Connecticut, getting a little house, drinking as much coffee as I wish, teaching at a nice school or getting another degree and teaching at a small college. I'm not perfect that's for sure; I want security and a sense of self actualization. I know what a "good" life I could have here.

SO the question is do I really believe that if my goal is Africa I will get there? Do I really believe that the future and this is a future of substance belongs to those who dream? I don't know.

Call it what you may I have no answers.

I work in an office. This office has been eluded to before in several entries. Now, however, my office has been relocated to a new building. This building is run by a dicatator named well we'll call him Blankety Blank. He in my opinion is a big jerk.
The head of our Department the Blankity Blank is very anal retentive. He is in charge of basically everything and our building. He has lots of very specific rules for example no dark beverages (we have new carpets), specific organizers for items in the office, no signage outside the offices (that's what room numbers are for), We aren't aloud to have bulletin boards, even though it's a schoo,l outside of rooms. It's a "professional" building which is fine on some levels but hello it's a school. There are classrooms all around the offices. But my favorite rule of all is that we aren't aloud to use, and i quote "visible post it notes." He doesn't like the way that they "look" this man obviously never does any real work b/c all of these demands are obsurd. Every office I know of runs in a manner opposite of this one.
Being the person that I am my first thought is to say down with the man. I intend to drink my Diet Cokes (which are sold in the building), use my postit notes and make them as visible as possible. How should I remember things or leave msgs for my co-workers if I don't have post it notes? Post its were listed as one of the greatest inventions ever.
I am, however, under another authority. My boss Dr. Magician. She's a rule follower. If there is a rule she intends to follow it. Which in some aspects is fine. But change does not occur when everyone does what they are told and refuses to think for themselves or at least act on their thoughts.

So, I pledge here and now to drink dark sodas and use as many Post It's as I can. Down with the man. Viva la France.

The movie I would like to bring to you is titled Off The Map.

This semester I was blessed to attend a wonderful class taught by the esteemed Dr. Engel. The class: Literature of the American West. Now while this class entailed far too much reading and in the end I skipped one of the books it was an awesome class. I learned much and rekindled the love affair of my youth with the American West. While there is much more to it than the romantical view held by my younger-self, it is still a mesmerizing place not that I have experienced it sadly myself through more than film and literature.

Speaking of experiencing the west through film. Off the Map is a poetic journey through 8 years in the life of a New Mexican family. This family is focused on living life not on making money. The father believes that you lose more having a job than you gain. He says that if you spend all day working for someone doing what they tell you to do, you don't have anytime to learn the things that you want to do.

The cinematography of this movie could stand alone but it is backed up by it's lyrical narrator and creative story line. This film based on a play is worth its slow start for it's meaningful ending.

If you're looking for a character driven indie film about something more than who slept with who last night see Off the Map.

So I would like to start off this entry by saying that I am pouting. It is 69 degrees outside and I am inside b/c I pulled a stupid calf muscle at the gym yesterday so I can barely walk. So now I'm sitting here watching Extreme Home Makeover marathon which lets be honest makes me cry more that just about anything. I mean it would be a like a dream job of mine to do what these people get to do.

Christmas was awesome lots of good gifts and most importantly lots of amazing books. I can't wait to read them all.(refer to top for current reading choice). We got a wireless hub which is cool but I'm having trouble getting it to work right where is Coop when I need him? I had an awesome time with Jeremy's family. I love my brother in law b/c he is really funny and extremely intelligent and has really good taste in women. I love my sister in law it's fun to have someone to watch food network with. And my mother in law is awesome; we are so much alike.

Our 1st anniversary was great. I can't believe that we've been married for a year. New Years Eve was great I made chicken parmigana. I love Rachel Ray her recipes are so easy and good. Well I guess I'll get back to work on a little project.